I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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