He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
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I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
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I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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