She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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