I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
