i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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