you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
When are your genitals available?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
