I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
