I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
