I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
be right there i have to get my cape
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
