ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
