This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
