I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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