I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
