When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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