By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
