Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
