Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
