Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
