I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
