I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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