Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
