If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
