Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
