i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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