at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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