Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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