She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
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You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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