I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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