i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
