someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
did you just send me my own nude
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
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