just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
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Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
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New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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