Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
