My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
