A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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