I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
