Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
