my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
