they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i think i just lost a toe
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
