So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
