I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
