His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
