She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
