I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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