i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
