mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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