We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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