TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
