I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
