Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
