Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
