I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
