I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
