Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
