so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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