woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
