My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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