so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I am naked and annoyed.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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