so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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