I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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