you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
