why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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