i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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