please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
